I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
