I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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