in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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