Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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