and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
