Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
