I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
