It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
