I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
