piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
