I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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