I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
wow bdsm is so cute
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
