The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the day after is always just damage control
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
should my penis look like a turkey
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
