Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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