bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
