I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
