just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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