He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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