yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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