Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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