thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
