Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize