She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
