hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i think im in europe. pls send help
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
