Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?