Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.