We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns