First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
