What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Text me some of your sweat
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
