Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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