I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
