did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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