i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
