I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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