i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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