His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
