I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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