Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
