Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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