I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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