I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
