1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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