I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
