btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Drake has all the answers
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
