the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
