ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
