Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
