he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
