Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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