Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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