whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
