i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
