Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
