i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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