i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize