dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
