Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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